Me Made May ’13 – Week 1 Round-up

First off, thank you SO MUCH for the lovely comments on my lace trench yesterday! SHUCKS, Y’ALL. You sure know how to make a girl feel special

Now, let’s round up the first week of Me-Made-May! I know, it’s not a full proper week… but I like to do my round-ups on Friday, soooo deal with it.

5/1
Dress: Cake Patterns Tiramisu
Cardigan: Miette
Shoes: Nine West
I spent most of this day sitting in a car (on my first ever ~business trip~ woohoo), so I opted for something comfortable that wouldn’t wrinkle. As a side note, those 4+ hours as a passenger meant I got a LOT of knitting done. Expect a sweater post sooner than later, ha.
Also, welcome to the ugly side of my sewing room.

5/2
Tshirt: Sewaholic Renfrew
Skirt: Vogue 8317
Belt: Banana Republic
Shoes: Thrifted (yes, I’m totally gross and I thrift shoes, DGAF)
I need to find more ways to wear this skirt, because every time I do I get SO many compliments on it (usually in the form of, “Oh, I love that skirt… OMG I LOVE THE BACK!!!!” haha). I think it would be really fun paired with navy, or even teal.

5/3
Top: Papercut Patterns La Sylphide
Jeans: Imogene+Willie
Shoes: Keds
(not shown: Sewaholic Patterns Minorou jacket)
These jeans are my one piece of “cheat” clothing. MMM is all about focusing on wearing, well, me-mades, but let’s be real here – these are my only pair of jeans (yep!) and May is most likely the very last month I’m going to be able to wear them before it gets too hot for the summer. Considering I paid a shit ton of money for them and I love the everloving shit outta them, I decided the jeans are my free pass as long as the rest of the outfit is LT-made. I mean… they are handmade, just by someone else. That counts, right?
Also, it’s cold today and I wanted to wear pants. So there.

So that’s that! A short week of Me Made May; next Friday should be a little more interesting

Now, let’s talk about the new Vogue patterns that just came out.

They are actually pretty boring, sad to say Like a good 3/4 of them look exactly like patterns that were released last season, or the season before… just different fabrics and/or models. I do want to point out that whoever they have modeling with the red hair is a TOTAL BABE.

Vogue 1354
Am I right? BABE CITY USA.
I don’t even notice the ridic poses because I’m too busy being jealous THAT I DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT.

Then there’s this:

Vogue 8900
It’s… interesting. Definitely not a style that many people can pull off (both waist cut-outs AND a top that can barely accommodate a bra), but I don’t think pattern companies necessarily need to make stuff that flatters *everyone*, you know? I’ll give them credit for being interesting, and ignore all those seams that are screaming to be pressed.

Then these happened:

Vogue 8913
I think we’ve reached a breaking point with these unnecessary buttflaps.

Vogue 8914
Everything about this is just unfortunate.

Vogue 8895
Someone please tell me in what world this dress would be considered flattering?! Her head looks so tiny in comparison!

Vogue 8897
Hideously unflattering tunic aside (which, I might add, is eerily similar to this previous hideously unflattering tunic) it appears that their iron must have exploded during the making of this since NOTHING is pressed. Just looking at that hem is making my eye twitch.

The rest of the patterns are so boring, they put me to sleep. Actually, that’s a great idea. I’m going to print them out and bind them in a little book for the next time I am dealing with insomnia. Thanks, Vogue!

Oh, Vogue.

Nothing like some Vogue-hate to cheer me up when I’m having a shitty week, amirite. Thanks, Vogue!

Vogue 1341
I don’t get this. It looks someone tried draping for the first time and failed as hard as they could possibly fail.

Vogue 1342
True story: I check my Google search terms every day (because they are hilarious and awesome) and my very favorite one was when someone found my blog by searching “buttcrack sundress.” I always wondered what a buttcrack sundress was. Now I will wonder no more.

Vogue 1340
From the puffy darts to the shitty fit to the sad attempt at whatever is going on there with the neckline, this dress makes my heart hurt.

Vogue 1337
No comment on the dress, I just think the pose is really really funny.
COME AT ME, BRO.

Vogue 1338
Y U mad, tho?

Vogue 1347
Vogue, stop trying to make the danglies happen.

Vogue 8873
The pattern describes this as a “fitted bodice.” I don’t know about you, but nothing about that bodice looked fitted to me.

Vogue 8870
Well, that pattern placement is just tragic.

Vogue 1345
NOPE.

Vogue 8887
I actually don’t mind this get-up too much (except for that pants length… yikes). I just wanted to make fun of her shoes.

Vogue 8879
The fuck is going on here.

Vogue 8883
Vogue, what did we just talk about regarding those danglies.

Vogue 8891
The prettiest beekeeper you ever did see.

I’m noticing a new trend here, in that NOTHING FUCKING FITS ANY OF THESE MODELS. What the hell! I know that most fashion magazines pin back the clothing to make it tight on the models, but ffs Vogue you had these things sewn for you. Could you not size down?? Compare the actual pants to the line drawing here. Those are not supposed to be Hammer pants, contrary to what the photo would have you believe. I’m just… I have no words. No words at all.

Vogue, go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

NO! Bad Vogue!

Soooooo Vogue just released their fall/winter sewing patterns. (Un?)Forunately, they aren’t too bad this time around. Not a lot of snark here; these are actually pretty boring & blah and ughh I almost didn’t bother posting because I was just so fucking underwhelmed. Seriously – even Koos van den Akker appears to have left the crazy at home this time. But, I dunno, it’s a slow day & the requests have started trickling in so I’ll just consider this my Treat to y’all. No tricks, please!

One thing that stuck out to me this go-round was the sheer amount of unnecessarily frivolous patterns.

Vogue 8858
Such as… oh, I don’t know, this flamingo flamenco skirt?

Vogue 8850
Or this vintage repro – while beautiful, I just don’t see a modern woman waltzing around the office with a giant slab of fabric hanging off her waist like a forgotten napkin. Or am I just being a bitter old hag here? Maybe it’s the cheap shiny satin, but this pattern is getting the serious side-eye from me right now.

Vogue 8853
A flowy ruffled blouse with a matching flowy ruffled caplet in the same eye-bleedingly busy print? SIGN ME UP.

Vogue 8846
Or perhaps you fancy a dress with a built-in cape? It is Halloween, after all.

Vogue 1335
Buzz Lightyear, to the rescue!

Vogue 8868
I know everyone is freaking out over the fascinators, and I’m not going to rain on your parade for fear y’all are gonna eat me alive.
All I am gonna say is, it looks like the black-eyed children have finally found a way to be invited into your home (spooky link alert, FYI!)

Vogue 1334
Nothing earth-shattering here, only the most unflattering outfit I think I’ve ever seen.

Vogue 1332
REAL TALK: This straight-up looks like a vagina.

Vogue 8855
Wonderful pocket place y’all got there!

Vogue 8867
They finally did away with the randumb giant leaves this time, and instead settled on using decapitated arms.

Vogue 8869
“BLIIIINDED BY THE LIGHT- WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE, ANOTHER BONER IN THE NIGHT~”

More Vogue WTF:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

New Vogue Sewing Patterns Are Here!

Oh my god, you guys – Vogue just released their newest line of sewing patterns! It’s like Christmas in July today!!!

Unfortunately, the new line-up isn’t really fit for snark. The designs are inoffensive, rather plain honestly. *YAWN*

So instead, we’re going to make fun of the pictures! Because they are hilarious . Also there is a mysterious window.

Vogue 1316
That kind of side eye comes from someone who has been hurt before.

Vogue 1313
I’m curious as to why they decided the perfect moment to take the picture was also the exact moment the model fell directly on her ass.

Vogue 1317
Lurks McGee

Vogue 1321
Incognito McGee

Vogue 1320
Invisible Chair.

Vogue 1312
Oh, God… I can’t even… is she popping a squat? WHO DECIDED ON THE POSES FOR THESE PICTURES?

Vogue 1324
“Don’t go… it’s… it’s not safe out there.”

Vogue 1325
“Ok, hon, it looks like you’re a little too tall for the frame. Do you mind crouching down a little? I need to get those killer Payless shoes in the picture as well. There. That’s good, that’ll work. You’re a natural, doll.”

In all seriousness, that 1325 suit is pretty fucking cute:

Vogue 1318
I would love to make some type of snarky comment implying that the fan is necessary when you are wearing a stank-inducing vest made of plastic alligator skin but I think the picture speaks for itself.

Vogue 8832
For the gay pirate in all of us.

Vogue 8844
Or, if you’re a shriner, we’ve got you covered on that end too

Vogue 1322
I need someone to explain this garment to me because I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking at. Is it… a suit jacket with no arms that has magically expanded into a cape?

Vogue 8843
I just love the randumb giant leaf they chose to include in all that handbag pictures.

Vogue 8829
A prime example of a tragic fabric choice. This pattern is actually super cute; it’s just impossible to see past the shiny on the envelope picture.

Vogue 1315
This one was my favorite, which is why I saved it for last. She looks like she’s creeping around a doorway and I spent about 10 minutes laughing at when I first saw it.

It is basically Christmas today, so I suppose I owe y’all a gift of some sorts:

I hope you like it.

New Vogue Sewing Patterns: Uglier Than Ever

I consider Vogue pattern releases something of a holiday. In the past, it was a day filled with awe & delight, mental math & frantic list-making. In the present, it’s a day filled with lols and eyebrow raises. I can’t decide which one I like better, personally.

I’ll start with the patterns I actually like – yes, there are a few!

Vogue 1302
This looks pretty straightforward on the front, it’s the back that makes me swoon.

Bias-cut runching? SWOON.

Here’s the line drawing if you are having trouble tearing your eyes away from that lovely fabric.

Vogue 1303
Also loving this one, although it’s a little hard to see in the detail in that busy print.

Vogue 8807
Actually, I can’t tell if I like this pattern or if I’m just freaking out over the fabric. I think it’s just the fabric.

Vintage Vogue 8812
PERFECT little sunndress!

And the back! THE BACK.

Vogue 8814
All that bias & floaty makes this look like it would be really interesting to sew, and really fun to wear.
Note: There actually is a non-line drawing of this dress (aka with a live model) but the view they chose is totally hiddy so we’re just gonna stick with the line drawing.

Vogue 8804
I think it’s really awesome that Vogue has a classic Chanel jacket pattern *and* it’s a Claire Shaeffer pattern so it includes all the couture instructions that really(er, literally) make the jacket. I know this style of jacket isn’t for everyone – I personally wouldn’t wear it – but if I had the money to throw down, I would absolutely make one just for the experience.
Although, that styling is pretty lol.

… And that’ll do it for the pretty today.

Let’s get shit-talking!

Vogue 1301
This starts out kind of ok. A little overload with the patterns there, but there’s something sweet & hippie-esque about it that doesn’t bother me too much.

Until she puts on the matching… well, I think that’s a coat, anyway.

lolwut.

Vogue 1304
I know some people will disagree with me on this one (and I’m prepared to argue with you – I LOVE BICKERING), but this dress looks seriously uncomfortable and not at all flattering. There are way too many design elements going on here and the pleated bubble hem at the bottom looks like an afterthought.

Look at how she’s standing just to keep the back up. I’m really curious to see what a hot mess this translates to in the real world, to be honest.

Vogue 1305
It looks pretty dramatic/stunning in the pictures, until you realize what a silly dress this actually is. There is WAY too much going on here, with the assymetrical everything & all that runching. There’s also a giant slit in the back that goes all the way down to the model’s buttcrack. No, I’m not posting a picture. I don’t want that trash in my Flickr, thnx.

Vogue 1306
No, this one isn’t terrible – although I think twisted (and braided, for that matter) straps look really Becky Homecky – I just think the picture is hilarious. Classic Derp face.

Vogue 8806
Wow, those are ugly shoes.

Vogue 8809
That hem looks like she ran out of fabric to get a proper length, but tried to overcompensate when it came to butt coverage.

Vogue 8818
This is actually kind of pretty, but I’m including it anyway because it’s basically a gathered elastic waistband (or drawstring) skirt. I think it should be noted that Vogue patterns run on the expensive incline (and this one in particular is $22.50), so it baffles me that someone would buy a $20+ pattern for something they would essentially make as their very first sewing project in Home Ec.

Vogue 8821
Vogue is really loving the mullet-hems this season.

Vogue 8817
ANOTHER MULLET-HEM

Vogue 8813
Tragedy.

Vogue 1297
Here is a good example of nice fabric hiding a pattern fail.

It would appear that the pockets are actually extensions of the skirt that are pulled up with a drawstring. Just… why?

Oh, and let’s not forget the ugly purse patterns:

Vogue 1311
Koos van den Akker, you can’t fool me. Weird pattern clashing on a purse IS STILL UGLY.

Vogue 8823
On the plus side, if you carried this purse, there would be absolutely no question as to whether or not you made it.

But wait! I saved the best for last.


Vogue 1307
Oh boy. When this picture came up, I swear I thought Santa had sent me an early Christmas present. The shiny neon green animal print! The pleats! It’s like Hammer Pants for dummies!
I’m sorry, but the safest pair of Hammer Pants is no Hammer Pants at all.
Congratulations, Vogue 1307. You are officially the ugliest pattern in the bunch.

Want more Vouge Shit Talk? Check out Part 1 and Part 2

Amy Butler Patterns, and Why They Make Me Rage

I’m taking a tiny break from garment-sewing to do a little craft-sewing – specifically, I want a new handbag that is roomy enough to hold my Kindle Fire and maybe a little ball of yarn to knit on when I am stuck waiting somewhere. I don’t like big hold-everything-you-own-in-here bags and the going price of handbags makes me recoil in horror – you want me to pay how much for that fake leather thing that thousands of people have the exact same copy of because it’s from ~Target? Ew. No.

Do any of y’all ever sew stuff like purses & totes? I am all kinds of in love with the Sweet Harmony handbag and tote pattern from Amy Butler. I’ve actually made this pattern before and it’s the absolute perfect size and amount of pockets for me. LOVE IT. Unfortunately, it’s a little worse for the wear these days (aka: dirty) and I’m bored with that fabric so I’m making a new one.

Here’s my old one! More info/pictures in this craftster post if you are just dying over it or whatever.

I figured I could push one out and keep (mostly) in line with my fabric-buying ban – I already have the pattern, I could use the leftover wool coating from my lady grey, and I have all the notions on hand (including purse snaps!) so all I’d need to buy was a little piece of quilting cotton and some fusible fleece. Which I did buy, but here comes the title of this post.

AMY. What the hell is up with your fabric requirements?

My beef is that she just makes you buy way too much fabric. According to the fabric requirements (which are difficult enough to read as it is. I’m not even going to get into that today), I needed 1 5/8 yard of lining/cording/contrast fabric. After cutting my pieces out… I used maybe 1/2 yard. Fusible fleece – she tells me to buy 1 yard, I use about 1/3 yard (if that!). We are talking about quilting cotton that runs $13/yard minimum and fusible fleece that is about $9/yard. It adds up, especially when it’s fabrics that I don’t normally use, like quilting cotton. I don’t make garments with that stuff and I’m not too crazy about home decor sewing projects. So the remainder just sits on my shelf until I realize I’m not going to use and it give it away. The first time I made this purse, I had enough fabric left over to make a second one. Crazy.

My theory is that she is conspiring to make us buy more fabric – it can’t be a coincidence that she also has a (really amazing, btw)fabric line. Way to nickel and dime us to death, Amy. !!!CONSPIRACY!!!111!!

Does this piss anyone off as much as it pisses me off? I understand buying a little extra fabric to match patterns or weasel your way out of a sewing mistake, but I consider “extra” to be like 1/4 yard… not a full yard, certainly not more than that. Actually, the wool I’m using for the exterior of the purse was part of the same issue – I bought over 4 yards of fabric for my Lady Grey, as instructed by the pattern, and ended up with over a yard extra. That coating cost close to $20/yard, too! I don’t even pay attention to Colette yardage requirements anymore, to be honest… I cut out my pieces and measure what I need and write it on the envelope. Looks like I should be doing the same thing with Amy Butler patterns, ehhh.

Also, as lovely as Amy’s patterns are, I’m not really thrilled with the fact that I have to draft half the pieces myself & measure to do my own markings – uhhhh, isn’t that your job? You just made me pay $13 for the pattern, can you please just include the markings for the pocket placement with that? Ok?

Now that I’ve probably pissed off a bunch of Amy fans and I guess Amy herself, I’m going to soften the blow by pointing out that she does have some really cute patterns. And her fabrics are just gorgeous – yes, they are expensive, but it is quality fabric.

Rainy Days raincoat? I die.

The Weekender Bag is a personal favorite – I made this a few years ago, with my mama! I still use it all the time and it’s awesomeeeee. I should take a picture of it, huh?

Anyway, sewing this thing has been a total bore. I spent a couple of hours cutting the pattern pieces out (and grumbling to myself), then I had to trim seam allowances and corners off all the interfacing (again – these should be separate pattern pieces included in the pattern, in my opinion), and even more hours fusing interfacing to every.single.piece (sometimes twice!). Needless to say, that part sucked. Now I’m just in the process of wrestling all the layers under my sewing machine and beating the shit out of the seams with my clapper.

Lest you should think this entire sewing experience has been one complaint, I have been enjoying the bonding with my new Featherweight…

See? It’s not all bad

new vogue sewing patterns: just checked, still ugly

ooh you guys, vogue just released their winter sewing patterns! in fact, it’s been almost exactly a year since i last shit all over them. happy anniversary to me! let’s celebrate with a snarky shit-talking post, shall we?

i’ll start off with the 3 that i like.

vogue 1271, kay unger
gorgeous dress, although the fabric choice is pretty tragic. can you imagine this in a lush black with a jewel-toned belt? i die.

vogue 1265, pamella roland
i hated this one the first time i saw it – i thought it was some kind of awkward dressy romper/suit hybrid. EW. actually, it’s just a dress – that is a slit in the front, although i have no idea why they put it there since it obviously doesn’t need it once you see the back:

again: i die. twice.

vogue 8766
ok, this one isn’t really that special, i think i just like the lacy lace. pretty sure i have a dozen patterns exactly like this, but with different cover art. still – me likey!

vogue 1273, badgley mischka
i like this ok – it has some neat detailing – but, again, tragic fabric choice. what’s with all the shiny polyester satin, vogue?

vogue 1267, tom & linda platt
i like the detail seaming, but for the most part, this dress is pretty meh.

vogue 1272, bellville sassoon
i know we are still in the middle of an 80s revival, but this is just uncalled for.

vogue 1269, chado ralph rucci
i want to like this, i really do, but the flounce overload is giving me hives.

vogue 8768, vintage vogue
actually, this one isn’t so bad aside from the WTF STYLING. this mess doesn’t fit the model AT ALL, especially that unflattering hemline. she looks horribly awkward & uncomfortable. i don’t blame her.

vogue 8769
well, that’s practical.

vogue 8780
what is this i don’t even.

vogue 1279, pamella roland
not a bad suit by any means, but why did they decide to make it up in 3D hologram fabric? excuse me wtf r u doin.

vogue 8776
actually, this one just made me laugh for about 5 minutes straight. thanks for the mood-lifter, vogue!

vogue 8783, marcy tilton
i love that this purse is ~designer~, if by designer you mean totes appropes for hauling around in the minivan on the way to the soccer fields. i’m side-eyeing that woman’s hair so hard right now, willing it to morph into this. and oh, look, she’s wearing 8780! in green fleece!

vogue 1276
this is actually a sleeveless vest, thoughtfully covered in hairballs.

vogue 1268, guy laroche
looks like a cheap pocahontas halloween costume.

vogue 1277, koos van den akker
you can defend koos van den akker all you want, but every single one of his designs is ugly as shit, as far as i’m concerned.

patterns: spring 2011

i’ve lost my sewing mojo. i can’t bring myself to bother – partially because i prefer to sew in my underwear (makes fitting easier), and my sewing room is freeeeezing. and our gas bill was over $300 this month! double bummer!

anyway, i’m already dreaming of my spring wardrobe – nice, because i’ve barely made a dent in my winter wardrobe EL OH EFFING EL – so wasn’t it nice of vouge & simplicity & mccalls (but not butterick, shame on you!) to release their spring 2011 lines?

at least they don’t suck as bad at the winter patterns did. i mean, honestly now.

i officially hate vogue sewing patterns

vogue released their winter line of sewing patterns today – pretty early, if you ask me, since most of us are just dipping our toes into fall weather clothes (it was 100* here in nashville last week!). normally, i loove vogue sewing patterns. i love the extra touches that are included to make your finished garment more “handmade” than “homemade,” like french seams and foundation corsets and fun things like that. i love that they make patterns based of major designer’s looks so you can rip them off and save yourself $1000 in the process. i love the smug satisfaction i get from sewing an ~advanced~ vogue pattern because it makes me feel smart and knowledgeable.

I DO NOT LOVE VOGUE’S NEW PATTERN LINE, THOUGH.

i hope you are not eating when you proceed.